


Erase My Humanity

by Izzaya



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Attempted Murder, Choking, Dark, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Future Tags, Happy, Heavy Angst, Hospitalization, I update like once or twice a week depending on how much time and motiovation i have, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Romance, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Build, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tags Are Hard, au with vorona, feel free to drop the critisism always appreciate it, i cant spell, i suck?, incest is mentioned, izaya gets super depressed, izayas sisters are great, maybe smut, people die, some really graphic stuff in one chapter, summaries are overrrated, super slow, very slow build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 07:02:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9424502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izzaya/pseuds/Izzaya
Summary: {UPDATE} This fic is no longer going to be updated sorry people :'). it's been a year probably since I've last touched it soooooooo yeah.Orihara Izaya is known to be cruel and heartless, yet there is a human side to him that no one has ever seen before. More human than anyone around him.i write short chapters sorry :'). updates every Thursday/Friday depending on if I have enough motivation and time





	1. Doubt

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Hi~ so this is my first time writing a fanfic and its not great, but I will try my best and btw, Izaya is the best and I dislike Shizuo so I might portray him a little evil-ish. also the chaperters are short cause i have no inspo.

Izaya laughed, watching the monster rage around Ikeburo was so very amusing. A smirk played around his lips as he looked down and saw the monster growling at him.

“Ne~Ne~ Shizu-chan. Try to at least catch me once. I might get bored waiting you know.”

Of course, this only infuriated Shizuo even more. As was Izaya’s intention. 

“I-ZA-YA-KUN! I’LL KILL YOU!”. 

Shizuo grabbed hold of the lamp post that Izaya perched on and pulled. The lamp post was wrenched out of the ground with Izaya still on it.

“Oh my Shizu-chan~ Aren’t you the monster. What would Kasuka say if he saw you like this.”

The raven said feigning shock. Shizuo's head went blank and he swung the lamp post into the sky. The blond whipped his head around at the sound of a annoyingly familiar chuckle. 

“Now now Shizu-chan. Did you really think that would work. I'm not that stupid.” 

Izaya once again was perched on another lamp post. Smirking as he saw veins pop out on the stupid protozoan's head. 

“AGHHHHHHH” 

“Have I infuriated you to the point where you have turned into a primate. There are things called words Shizu-chan.”

Izaya could barely hold in the laughter that was building. He settled on a wide grin he knew would push Shizuo even further into his rage.  He swung down lightly from the lamp post and skipped across the street with Shizuo running after him. Izaya felt a thrill of excitement as he looked back and saw the look of rage on the other’s face. Izaya grinned and ran. He leapt from building to building and dodged the various objects thrown at him. 

He wasn’t careful enough as a trash can slammed into his side.  _ Ouch. _ He stifled a groan, and continued to move despite the growing pain in his side. Soon enough, the adrenaline kicked in and the pain disappeared.  Izaya ducked behind a doorway just barely dodging the vending machine that crashed into the ground where he had been only moments ago.

An eyebrow shot up and another smirk appeared. Shizuo barreled through the doorway and ran straight pass Izaya. A sickly sweet scent reached Shizuo’s nose before he ran too far, he turned around to glimpse Izaya’s mocking face disappear out of view. More veins began to appear as he roared,

“I-ZZZZ-AAAA-YYYY-AAAAAAA.”

**Izaya giggled. _It’s so fun messing with Shizu-chan that it’s getting boring. I should kill him off soon._ **


	2. Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chap :) update will be probably once a week on Wednesdays or Fridays most likely. I will try my best to write longer chapters and yeah. thnx for reading

Izaya opened his eyes and blinked several times. Everything seemed a bit fuzzy and dim around the edges. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, hoping to clear up his vision. It helped. As he went through the day, his vision gradually cleared up and he put the incident behind him. Not giving it a second thought. The damned mafia group “Python” or so they called themselves, was stirring up trouble and Izaya’s client wanted more information on the group. An easy task but Izaya couldn’t seem to focus on his work.

 

Sitting at his desk, he rubbed his temples and took deep breaths, hoping it would focus him. It didn’t really help. _Dammit, I can’t do anything like this._ He leaned back in his swivel chair, idly spinning his flick-blade around. _Maybe I’ll find Shizu-chan and mess with him for a bit._ Izaya grinned  at the sudden thought. He leapt up from his chair and skipped out of his apartment.   

 

The sight of the 23 year old man skipping through Ikebukuro was enough to start rumors.

 

_I heard he forced a girl to commit suicide!_

 

_Really? I thought he hacked into the government database and stole classified data to sell to other countries._

 

_He’s a monster._

 

_Enjoys ruining other people's lives._

 

_Die._

 

_I wish he would die already._

 

_The world doesn’t need someone like him._

 

_Monster._

 

_Liar._

 

_Disgusting._

 

_He doesn’t deserve to be called human._

 

_Imagine if he killed himself, that would be the happiest day of my life._

 

_Die. Not human. Die. Worthless. Monster. Kill yourself. We don’t love you. I hate you. Selfish. Bastard. Revolting. Heartless. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die._

 

Izaya stood in the middle of the street. Frozen by the words that swirled around him. His breathing quickened and his vision blurred. His. Beloved. Humans. Hated him to that extent. He shook his head breaking out of his stupor.

 

_No, no. I love all my humans equally no matter what they think. I can forgive them for everything. I am their god and it is only natural for me to love them._

_That's right, I must not think of the hate they feel for me. I am Orihara Izaya. I will not be affected by their  words._

_Don't lie to yourself'_ a small voice whispered to him. He ignored it and straightened. Continuing his search and skipping as if nothing had ever happened. However, Shizuo had been standing across the street the whole time. He was about to hurl Izaya out of the city when he saw the fleas expression. Izaya had looked a bit, scared, even distraught. He was shocked, Izaya wasn't known to make faces like that. What Shizuo saw bothered him but he dismissed the thought.

There's no way that flea would make faces like that, he must have been acting' he thought as he continued walking. However, the image of Izaya standing alone in the middle of the street with people staring at him refused to leave his every waking moment and dreams. Shizuo's latest dream was yet again Izaya standing in the middle of the street.  
_  
_

Except this time instead of skipping away, he raised his head and ran straight in front of a moving truck. Shizuo could only stand in complete shock at the scene in front of him. When he woke up, he covered his eyes with his arm and sighed. _  
_

_T_ _hese dreams need to stop, that would never happen. The fleas to damn selfish to care what other people think. But… that look on his face._

 

 _“_ Ughhhhhhh”

 

Shizuo groaned. The incident was messing with his mind. He called Tom hoping that there would be a job lined up.

 

“Hey Shizuo. Perfect. I was just about to call you. It's a old man today who hasn't payed up for awhile. I'll see you in a bit.”

 

Tom hung up before Shizuo could reply. He sat on his bed clutching his phone.

_No more thinking about Izaya today. Alright. This should be interesting enough._

 

Izaya was also thinking about what happened on the street. He had never really been bothered by the insults and words that were whispered behind his back.  He bathed in their hate and the storm of words. Thinking how predictable all his humans were.

 

But on that day, the words turned into sharp thorns and jabbed at him mercilessly. He could still hear the words swirling around him. Izaya hugged his knees to his chest and debated whether or not to call Shinra. He decided not to. It was only one time. It wasn't that big of a deal, it would never happen again.

 

Or so he hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for both short chapters btw


	3. Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi~ so i tried making this longer T^T net chapter will probably be longer. I'll try

Izaya stumbled through the darkness. He had no idea how he got there. He couldn't see, it was too dark.  Couldn't hear. There was no one to help him. To save him. He was alone. A loud creaking sound broke through his deafness. He whipped his head around in confusion. His question was answered a moment later. The ground started to tilt. As he felt the ground tilting underneath him, he ran around blindly trying to find a handhold. To his dismay, the ground was as smooth as glass. A choked cry escaped his lips as he felt himself slipping. He scrambled desperately for anything to hold onto. Anything to keep him from falling into the deep dark pit he could sense waiting for him. He winced as a bright light revealed his surroundings to him. Izaya was in an arena with a glass floor that was tilting slowly but surely. He scanned the stands and his eyes fell on each and every human that was ever victimized by him or by his hands. They were staring at him with pure hatred and a single voice ran out.  
  
“This man before you has sinned countless times, yee poor souls, what is the punishment you would like to inflict upon this worthless creature who calls himself ‘God’.”  
  
Izaya flinched, he had been called a worthless creature and his pride had been shattered with those two words. His heart would begin to crack soon.  
  
“I wish for him to fall into the pits of hell and never see the light again.”  
  
“I wish to inflict upon him the self-loathing and despair I felt.  
  
“I wish for him to suffer as much as I did.”  
  
“I wish for him to never receive kindness and love from the people around him.”  
  
“I wish for him to die lonely, knowing that no one will care about him.”  
  
“I wish for him to disappear.”  
  
The single voice rang out again.  
  
“Yee poor souls, thy punishment shall be delivered.”  
  
Izaya stared at the crowd. With each word, his heart cracked a bit. They condemned him to a fate worse than death. His eyes widened as each human turned it’s back to him. He was forgotten and cast aside by his humans like an old toy that was no longer fun to play with.  
  
  
_No. no. no. no. no._

_Help me._

_Please._

_Anyone._

_HELP._

_I don’t want to be alone._

_Don’t leave me._

_Don’t forget about me._

_LOOK AT ME._  
  
The floor kept tilting ignoring Izaya's pleas for help. He felt himself falling and screamed. Bone-chilling air seeped into his bones and stole his breath away. He stared up at what could only be called the sky. A mass of dark, writhing clouds. He fell deeper and deeper, seemingly for eternity. The cold numbed his mind and slowed his heart. The darkness swallowed him and erased his existence bit by bit. None would ever remember Orihara Izaya from that moment on.  
  
  
He bolted upright in his bed covered with cold sweat. He panted, trying to calm himself. That dream had felt a tad bit too real for a dream and he couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was going to change rather soon. He sighed. Maybe he should find someone to observe for a day. Just to take his mind off of things. He flipped onto his stomach and reached under his bed. Rummaging around, he finally found what he was looking for. His laptop. He pulled it onto the bed and logged on. Lots and lots of emails were what he found. He methodically opened and answered each of them.  Izaya's hand paused when he saw the email titled  
  
  
 "Ophiuchus Warning".  
  
He frowned. 'Ophiuchus' was the codename for Python he and his client used, yet the sender was anonymous. The contents disturbed him further. It read,  
  
  
"Orihara Izaya, Python has noticed your activities regarding it and they are planning to get rid of you soon. Watch your back. I will contact you soon with further information, your best bet to stay alive is to not investigate who I am. This is your warning."  
  
' _This person is rather arrogant aren't they, I can take care of myself just fine_ '  
  
Izaya thought to himself after reading and absorbing the contents, however, the nagging feeling in his mind grew more intense.  
  
_What if this person is saying the truth. I'm not sure I can trust them. But it never hurts to take precautions. Let me see. Double... No, triple security, change the glass to bulletproof and bomb proof glass, change passwords to everything, encrypt files and locks with another layer. Camera's coated with anti-everything spray and coat wires with xelo. Anything else... Ah right, install security system that triggers when it senses a living thing and automatically shoots about 200 bullets. And that should be it._  
  
Izaya decided on all this in about 30 seconds. He was a smart man after all. He might add more security measures later but these new additions would have to suffice for now. Satisfied, he pushed himself up and sat on his heels. He would have the call multiple agencies and companies but it would be worth the trouble. He picked up his phone and started the work of dialing. Half an hour later, when he made sure everything was in place to be finished within the next week, his laptop dinged, alerting him to a new email. Thinking it might be the mysterious sender, he opened the mail and nearly gagged. In the email was a photo depicting a man gutted from groin to neck like a fish that would usually be found on a cutting board. He had seen worse but an unknown person had draped the poor man’s intestines around his body forming the most disgusting toga Izaya had ever seen, or at least that’s what he thought it was meant to be. A snake was seared onto his face.  
  
There was no message but Izaya got the message.  
  
“So Python wants to threaten me. Hm. Better order another set of flick blades.”  
  
He wasn't too disturbed by the email, just very disgusted. He had gotten them a lot over the course of his career. The people in the picture were usually actors who put on tons of makeup and added effects. It would work on someone less experienced, but Izaya had developed a keen eye for anything that was fake. He could tell by the facial muscles and how relaxed the body was. His sharp eyes had told him that the picture was fake. The actor had too much blood, a regular human being wouldn't have had that much blood in their body.  
  
_The drawbacks of trying to make something as gory and frightening as possible is that you can go overboard and you lose all realism. They really shouldn't try so hard. Well well, I think I just found someone to take my mind off of._  
  
Izaya spent the rest of his day tracking where the email came from. He came upon plenty of dead ends and loops but he eventually found it.  
  
_An abandoned warehouse in Ikebukuro huh, how cliché, alright guess I'm going back to Ikebukuro for awhile ne~._

As soon as he thought of going back to Ikebukuro, the room spun and flickered. He couldn't seem to get enough air into his lungs. He started gasping for the life giving air around him.  He grabbed the chair until his knuckles turned bone white, trying to get a hold of himself. He thought that opening the window would help. Izaya tried to stand up with his legs shaking underneath him. As soon as he stood up, he collapsed onto the ground . He lay there, curled up and clutching at his chest, wishing for the attack to subside. He relaxed after a little while, however he was still shaking slightly. He got up, this time to collapse into his chair. Sweating and shaking, he stared at the ceiling and let out a giggle. He couldn't control the laughter bubbling out of him. Hysterical laughter filled the empty room and echoed.

He shot up and stood on now steady legs. Flinging his head back and arms wide, he continued laughing, Izaya was laughing at himself. He was THIS affected by his human's words. How pitiful. How PITIFUL.

These thoughts made it all the more amusing to him. He was a GOD.  God's weren't supposed to be bothered by their humans. They were supposed to mock them and play with them. Yet Izaya cared. He let out a final chuckle and dropped his arms. He walked over to his window that looked over a city. Pressing his hands onto the glass, he observed and absorbed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Izaya is about to be put through some pain in the idea I have and I feel really bad about that but its for the story.


	4. Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy~

Izaya made up his mind. He was going to Ikebukuro, this time, he would wear headphones. With music playing on full volume. He sauntered out of his apartment and stopped by a store.

He pushed open the door and was greeted by the small ringing of bells. The cashier glared at him. It was nothing new. People hated him. He tried so hard to connect and befriend them, yet they denied his existence and shunned him.

His brows furrowed sadly then almost immediately settled into his trademark smirk. He walked slowly between the shelves. He wanted something that completely kept all sound out. He grabbed one, satisfied. He walked out the door.

The money for the headphones would find its way to the store. He walked with a bounce in his step.

 

_These will make the voices go away, I'm sure of it._

 

He dismantled the box and plopped them on. To his delight, everything went silent around him. He settled into his couch slightly relieved. He would be completely fine. Everything would turn out OK. He would be OK.

 

This was just a phase that he would get over. He loved humans. Humans were so interesting.

 

Izaya's eyes shot open. He had a nightmare again. He didn't remember drifting off, but the dream had seemed so real yet again. The voices of his beloved humans were still in his head. He couldn't get them out.

 

He sat up and stumbled to the bathroom. Splashing cold water on his face, he ran through his mental list of why he wanted to live.

 

He curled his hands on the edges of the sink. He stared at himself in the mirror. Looking for a sign that he was a GOD. All he saw was weary and cold red eyes staring back at him. Devoid of any emotion and life.

 

Their words came back to him again. They battered at his mind mercilessly, seeking for a way to break him. To shatter him. To destroy his glass heart that he had kept locked up in a box. Hot tears were dripping down his face.

 

He gently touched his cheeks, surprised at the sudden wetness that were making their way out of his eyes.

 

Unbeknownst to him, his face had crumpled into an expression any person present could have only called, pure despair. He let out a cry of anger, smashing his fist into the mirror. The mirror shattered, shards of glass flying everywhere.

 

Izaya took small shallow breaths, watching the blood slowly dripping down his arm. He was mesmerized. The blood was such a bright crimson. He could control this coming out of him. He could control how much it affected him. He could control the pain.

 

Izaya felt more alive than he had ever felt before. His mind was clearer and sharper thanks to the pain. The final thing that pushed him over the edge was that he couldn't hear the voices anymore.

 

He didn't remember cleaning up the glass and blood from the bathroom. He was thinking about all the ways to feel pain. He considered burning, those would take too long to heal, starving was too obvious and anyone would notice in a glance. besides,

he needed to be strong enough to defend himself and move around. He couldn't afford to walk around everyday like a zombie. The only way he could think of to cause himself pain was his favorite flick blade.

 

The flick blade he always kept sharp and on him at all times.

His flick blades would work just fine he finally decided. Sudden waves of drowsiness washed over him. With all that had happened in the past few days, he wasn't all that surprised about being exhausted.

 

Rubbing his temples to ease the pounding in his head, he called Namie and asked her to buy him a cup of coffee. She promptly refused, saying she had better things to do and hung up. Frowning, Izaya made his way to the expansive kitchen in his apartment.

 

Rummaging through his cabinets, he found some coffee beans and a coffee grinder. Measuring out some beans, he slowly poured them into the grinder. He grimaced at the loud sounds that emitted from the grinder. It could be very loud at times.

 

Satisfied, he reached up to get his French press. His fingers were just short of it. He was too short.

 

Grumbling, he grabbed a chair and climbed onto it. Glaring at the French press, he climbed back down and kicked the chair aside. A loud thud told him that the chair had broken. He rolled his eyes and ignored the broken chair.

 

The coffee was brewing without any other incidents in a few minutes. He tapped his foot impatiently, wishing for the coffee to hurry up. It ignored him. Huffing, he went in search of a knife sharpener. He found it in locked in his desk.

 

He pulled his flick blades out, a total of 20 and sat in his swivel chair, sharpening them until they could cut a hair without budging.

 

The aroma of fresh brewed coffee reached his sensitive nose before he could finish and he got up reluctantly. Sipping at the scalding coffee, he walked back to his workspace that overlooked a city. He plopped into his chair careful not to spill any of the coffee.

 

The streets were buzzing with activity. Izaya spent some time coming up with stories for every human he observed.

 

 _T_ _hat one just got fired and is considering intercepting his boss at the train station and pushing him In front of a train. So so vengeful._

 

_And that one, she's guilty of cheating with another woman on her boyfriend. She can't handle the guilt anymore and wants to end things with one of them. How I love to see her struggling._

 

_And those two, selling drugs in the alley won't support them for very long. They're so pitiful._

 

_I saw that money being handed over, you won't get anywhere if you bribe officials. They'll just end up turning you in sooner or later. How corrupt._

 

_Ah ah ah, crying won't help you. You've already been betrayed long ago. Gullible So gullible._

 

**Izaya stared out the window until the sun set. He clutched the empty cup in his hands. When the sun had long set and the streets had gone quiet, he got up slowly and made his way to his bed.**


	5. Light of Humanity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lost some of my work for this chapter so its kinda short sorry >.< but anyway, there's a snowstorm going on right now and I don't have to do anything so Ill be writing a lot.

Shizuo was very confused indeed. He had tried not to notice the absence of the flea in the recent week, but had failed miserably.

 

The flea showed up on his radar at least twice a week, yet not one hair of him showed up. Shizuo was getting suspicious, Izaya usually holed up when he was planning to start something big and horrible.

 

Tom had noticed that Shizuo was getting more and more restless and had asked him what had happened.

 

“Yo Shizuo, do you need a few days off.”

 

“Nah, thanks Tom, I'm fine.”

 

Tom looked unconvinced but knew better than to push Shizuo for more information.

 

He sighed and promptly told Shizuo that they had a busy week and that they'd better hurry up. Shizuo followed Tom around absentmindedly, every head of dark hair reminded him of that damn flea.

 

He growled softly, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets.

 

Tom looked over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow.

 

“What?!. Stop staring at me Tom, I said I'm fine. Hah, sorry. I'm a little on edge today.”

 

Tom said nothing and nodded. Continuing around Ikebukuro, Shizuo tried his best to rid his mind of the parasite. Tom dismissed him, telling him to get some rest or something. Shizuo grumbled but reluctantly agreed with Tom, he did need rest.

 

He rubbed the back of his head as he walked, it had been really quiet lately. So quite in fact, it was suffocating. That damn flea really needed to show up so Shizuo could feel normal again. He stopped walking at the thought.

 

“Like hell I need that flea to come back. He's a damn parasite that always ruins everything.”

 

Digging in his pocket, he pulled out a cigarette and lit it. Inhaling the smoke, he looked up at the sky. There was too much light pollution to see anything. A flash of red eyes caught his attention. He turned his head and saw nothing but darkness.

 

“Tch. Damn flea, why can't you just get out of my head.”

 

Shizuo stalked back home, in a worse mood than usual.

 

Izaya, completely unaware that he had pissed off Shizuo, was instead fixated on his flick blade. The street lights bounced off the knife and danced on the walls of his room. Tilting the blade, his eyes never left the spots of light.

 

 

The light shifted into a feminine figure. She danced and danced, around and around she went. Flickering in and out of the shadows. Darting behind walls and jumping into puddles of shadows. She was filled with the light of mirth and happiness.

 

A tendril of shadow curled around her ankle. She fell, tugging at the strand desperately. It slowly, slowly, caressed her leg, inching up and swallowing her. She struggled, the mirth and happiness turning into disgusting despair.

 

Disgusting, disgusting humanity. She sank deeper and deeper into the darkness, her hand went limp and vanished. The shadows, bounced and melted into slivers. They, were the ones dancing around and around the room at the end.

 

They rejoiced, they laughed, and they sang a chilling song to humanity. Izaya broke out of his trance. There were no shadows or figures of light. Nor was there the haunting song that had reached his ears moments before.

 

The flick blade fell out of his limp hand, he looked at it. A faint mirage of the feminine figure floated above it, beckoning him to pick it up and spill his inhumanity. To replace the inhumanity with humanity. A rush of anger flooded through him.

 

He grabbed the knife and flung it. It stuck to the wall, the blade quivering. Izaya, was a god. He never needed humanity and he never would. Yet, the thought of just finally resting, sent waves of warmth through him. He was so tired, tired of everything.

 

He got up as if under a spell, and pulled the blade out of the wall. He pulled his right sleeve up and placed the blade against his forearm. The blade drew blood, thanks to the sharpening he had done a few days ago. He put a little pressure on the blade.

 

Then a little more. Then a bit more. Blood was welling up. He pulled the knife across, a inch. His skin parted easily. Izaya frowned, he barely felt the pain. It was nothing compared to the wounds Shizuo left on him in the past.

 

He brought the blade down again, the time, much harder. He dragged the knife across his forearm, relishing in the pain. The blood dripped off his arm and onto the floor.

 

He laughed, at his own pitifulness, at his humanity, at the idea that his precious humans had driven him to this. Fury growing in the pit of his stomach, he cut his skin again and again, each for every cruel word that he remembered. He felt alive.

 

His head was clear. He was floating without a worry, observing his precious humans below him. The blade slipped out of his fingers, a wave of weakness overtook him and he fell to his knees. The world seemed to spin and tilt.

 

He dragged himself to the bathroom and found what he was looking for. Bandages. Somehow, he managed to stay conscious for long enough to wash away the blood and wrap them. Though blood had already started to seep through the clean cloth.

 

**He looked numbly out his window, seeing nothing, hearing nothing. Lost in his thoughts.**


	6. Python

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *GRAPHIC VIOLENCE WARNING*
> 
> my birthday's today so special birthday early upload. :3 also, i'm looking for a beta reader if anyone interested email me at natsiadragneel@gmail.com. I stayed up all night to write this, I need a life. Also, is there enough emotion in my writing because apparently my writing is 'dry' and 'machine-like' according to my parents.

As far as most people knew, Orihara Izaya disliked his sisters and always kept them at a distance. Izaya, however, love his sisters. Not in the way he loved all humans, he loved them as family which would have shocked anyone that found out.

 

He made enemies wherever he went and they would go as far to threaten him with his family if they knew how much they meant to him. The colder he acted toward Mairu and Kururi, the less danger they would be in.

 

That also meant that the two sisters, had developed a rather un-sibling like relationship. They loved each other. Romantically. Izaya’s best guess was that they only had each other to rely on and that just grew into something unorthodox.

 

He didn’t really care as long as they were safe and happy.

 

As a result, the news that Mairu and Kururi had been kidnapped hit him rather hard. Python had struck. Izaya was unconvinced at first, as both Mairu and Kururi were rather agile and proficient at fighting. However, a link to a live video was emailed to him.

 

Mairu and Kururi were bound and gagged. They were knocked out cold. The armrests of his chair had shattered in his hands. There was also a message addressed to him.

 

 

_Come alone in two hours, otherwise you might not see your sisters again. At least not in one piece. You know where we are._

 

 

Izaya stared at his laptop screen. He couldn’t believe it. His sisters were in danger, because of him. This time, he was going to do something. He wasn’t going to ignore the threat, and he was most certainly not going to underestimate his opponents.

 

A bubble of laughter built up. It burst out of him. He couldn’t stop. It was like his body’s response to traumatic situations or unknown situations. Instead of crying, he laughed. He suddenly stopped. The silence pressed in.

 

It quivered eagerly, rang softly; it awaited the malice filled words that would tumble from his lips. For the words that would drip out of his mouth like sweet poison. For the words that would that would grate against its ears and send a chill through it.

 

 

“I’ll kill you. I’ll destroy every. Single. One. of you goddamn bastards. I’ll make you wish you had never been born. You will pay for this in double.”

 

 

The words were cold and dangerous. They would deliver what they promised and more. Red eyes glinted in the dark. Already seeking vengeance. Izaya called Shiki, cashing in one of his many owed favors.

 

Shiki agreed to send 40 men to Izaya’s location of he could not be contacted within 2 hours after the allotted two hour time period. He grabbed many of his knives that just a few hours ago, he had been slicing his own skin open.

 

 

_Dammit, why did it have to be today,_

 

Thinking back, his annoyance at himself grew. He loved his humans too much to leave. He couldn’t leave without at least killing Shizuo or playing some more with his humans, could he. He had lost a lot of blood that still continued to flow.

 

His ice cold hands, cold feet, dizziness, and weakness were all signs that he had lost a rather large amount of blood. He growled, and in a rare moment, wished for Shizuo’s monstrous strength and healing capabilities. He immediately tossed the thought away.

 

There was no use wishing, he had to do something no matter what. He grabbed his fur lined jacket and walked out of his apartment, emitting a murderous vibe. He ducked through alleyways and backstreets, taking the fastest route to the old warehouse.

 

The dark storm clouds approaching fast told him he didn’t have much time to make it there. He spotted a ladder that lead to the rooftops and swung gracefully up. He ran as fast as he could, hoping desperately that he would make it on time.

 

Izaya stopped outside of the warehouse. Two guards were posted outside and they seemed to be waiting for him. They opened the doors without a word. Izaya composed himself and prepared to meet the mastermind behind this.

 

A young, blond haired woman perched on a pile of wooden crates, flanked by a dozen others milling about. She broke out into a emotionless smile and spoke in a robotic voice.

 

“Welcome Orihara Izaya, to the organization, Python. Your sisters are right up there in that cage.”

 

Izaya’s head shot up. There they were. Stuffed inside a cage so small the two of the barely fit. They sobbed silently in relief when they saw him. His fists clenched and his nails dug painfully into his palms.

 

He forced himself to relax and settled into his role he often played as an informant.

 

 

“My, My. What do we have here. What do you think you’ll get out of me involving those two disgraces”

 

 

The blonde raised her eyebrows.

 

 

“Rumors say that you are quite cold to your siblings, yet you rushed all the way here when you heard that they’d been kidnapped. Now that isn’t what I would call ‘being cold’”

 

 

Izaya forced a smirk onto his face.

 

 

“Well, I can’t just abandon them. Our parents are still around after all.”

 

The unknown women shook her head, chuckling softly.

 

"The I guess it's ok if we hurt them a little."

 

Izaya tensed, whipping out one of his larger blades, a folding stiletto knife in one hands and his trademark flick blade appearing in the other.

 

A wave of dizziness overtook him and he dropped to his knees. The woman gestured with her head and all at once, the others who were milling around sprung into action. They piled on top of Izaya, pinning down his arms and legs.

 

He struggled furiously, kicking and lashing out with his blade. He cursed himself for letting his guard down. They had to sedate him. Izaya’s muscles relaxed instantly and he drifted in and out of consciousness.

 

They searched him, removing every blade they found. After they had done so, they dragged him roughly to one of the large concrete pillars and tied him securely to it. He heard the distant order to dump ice water onto him.

 

A wave of cold washed over him and he sputtered, trying to regain his senses. He leaned his head onto the pillar, the drugs diving into his system. At some point, they had brought the cage down and hauled his younger sisters out in front of him.

 

He let out a sigh, relieved that they were ok.

 

 

“I wouldn’t be so sure Orihara-san. They’re not out of danger yet. You know, if you had just left Python alone, your sisters would still be in bed sleeping peacefully.”

 

 

The woman walked into his line of vision and crouched down, eye-level with him. She leaned forward and grabbed his chin, forcing his head up.

 

 

“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure they suffer for as long as possible. Then I’ll end their misery, personally.”

 

 

It felt like someone had punched Izaya, he couldn’t breathe. He glared at her with pure hatred.

 

 

 **“** You wouldn’t dare you bitch.”

 

 

A sadistic smile tugged at her lips.

 

 

“The name’s Vorona. I can’t wait to see blood.”

 

 

He threw himself against the ropes that bound him to no avail. Vorona ordered that a table be set up and the girls strapped to it. Izaya roared with anger. She simply let out a giggle and started.

 

They made sure he saw by forcibly keeping his head in place and preventing him from blinking. A masked member held a scalpel in one hand and a needle in the other.

 

He cut away their clothes with speed and precision and injected them with hyperalgesia, ignoring their muffled cries. The group decided to start with Kururi first. One person slowly, agonizingly, opened a deep wound in her chest.

 

Kururi arched her back, straining against her restraints. To further the agony, salt was rubbed harshly into the wound. Kururi's eyes shot open and her body was paralyzed with pain.

 

Izaya and Mairu could only watch helplessly as Kururi was sliced open again and again. They kept her alive long enough to soak her in water and then electrocute her. Kururi twitched. The agony had only started for her.

 

She had her lips removed first then burned to prevent blood loss. Then her ears, then her nose, then her eyes, then her fingers, hands, arms, feet, and legs. Kururi was still alive at the end. Her empty eye sockets cried blood.

 

Izaya had screamed himself hoarse, his precious little sister was being mutilated brutally before his very eyes and he was powerless to do anything. Tears streamed out of his eyes. His skin was chafed and bleeding from the ropes.

 

Kururi eventually died, but not before she was violated and her throat slit. She drowned in her own blood. Mairu faced the same agony and death. Izaya screamed and screamed. The ropes were embedded into his limbs and sobs wracked his body.

 

Vorona watched Izaya closely, smirking at his desperate screams.

 

Izaya hated her, oh he hated her with a burning passion. She stole his sisters from him and tortured them relentlessly. Even after Mairu died, he swore he could still hear his sisters screaming.

 

They threw the two bodies on top of each other and lit them on fire.  Vorona had paused in the doorway of the warehouse and looked down at him.

 

 

"I swore I heard you say those two were disgraces. You should be thanking me Orihara-san. I hope they haunt you for letting them die such a horrible death."

 

 

She blew him a kiss and sauntered out, the others following her lead, leaving two mutilated bodies and Izaya behind.  Izaya was too numb to do anything but wait for Shiki to show up. The smell of metallic blood and burning flesh filled the air.

 

The pitter-patter sound of rain drummed against the roof top of the warehouse. Droplets of water leaked through the holes in the roof and fell on Izaya. The rain poured down, as if grieving over the deaths of his sisters.

 

Water dripped down his face, mixing with the salty tears from his eyes. The rain was cold yet gentle, like a mother caressing her child's face.  

 

Shiki and his men showed up a short time later. They burst through the doors, expecting to see a smirking Izaya with the two girls alive and happy. Yet all they found was the remains of the sisters and Izaya, sitting silently with tears dripping down his face.

 

Shiki surveyed the remains, a bit horrified and sad at the death of Mairu and Kururi. They were rather interesting. He wasted no time cutting Izaya’s bonds. He must have seen the blood soaked bandages on Izaya's forearms but he kept quite.

 

Izaya showed no signs of moving after his bonds were cut and removed from his limbs. He didn’t resist when Shiki hauled him up and carried him away.

 

 

**Away from the horror and his lovely, dead, sisters.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY MAIRU AND KURURI T^T FORGIVE ME. Btw, I hate Vorona with a burning passion, and I had a hard time writing the chapter. I wanted to add more details but I was too lazy


	7. Blindness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the. plot. is. so. slow. why am I dragging it out sm jfc.
> 
> EDIT; this is so badly written forgive me.

Izaya woke up to darkness. He was lying in a bed and from what he could smell, in a hospital. He reached up to touch his eyes, finding bandages wrapped around his head. He couldn't remember what happened.

Did the damn protozoan bash him with a lamp again. A familiar voice reached his ears.

 

“Good Morning informant, how are you feeling?’

 

He twisted his head in the direction of the voice and a smirk played at his lips.

 

“Ah, hello Shiki-san. Why am I here?”

 

“You don't remember, Izaya?”

 

“What are you talking about? The last thing I remember was making coffee then everything after that is a blank.”

 

 

Izaya could hear Shiki sigh. It was a mixture of relief and sadness.

 

“Informant, it's better that you don't remember. A doctor came in and said your loss of vision could be permanent, but he's hoping with time you could regain it.”

 

Izaya’s blood ran cold.

 

“What do you mean, I lost my vision?! That can't be true.”

 

He was starting to panic. How could he observe his beloved humans when all he saw was darkness. His beloved humans were oh so precious to him, yet he could no longer see their reactions and expressions when they realized they had been caught in his schemes.

 

A hysterical cackle burst out of him. Shiki looked a bit disturbed, as many did when they encountered Izaya.

 

 

“The doctor also said that you had lost your vision due to blunt force trauma to some part of your brain. He stopped asking for more information about how it happened when a gun was shoved in his face. You owe me one.”

 

Izaya stopped laughing immediately.

“How did it happen Shiki-san.”

 

“As I said before informant, it’s for the better if you don’t remember.”

 

Izaya frowned and pouted playfully.

 

“Aww, it wouldn’t hurt to tell me ne~.”

 

Izaya could feel the air chill and suffocate him when Shiki replied in a deadly tone.

 

“I’m serious informant. It will hurt.”

 

Izaya sighed and said nothing more. He never said what was more than necessary to obtain what he wanted. He had a more important issue to tackle, regaining his sight.

 

The doctor had walked in a couple hours later, Izaya could hear his jacket swishing around.

 

“Hello Orihara-san, I will get right into this. Your loss of vision can be reversed, however it has some risk and it will take a time period to heal. Now then, your loss of vision was caused by…….”

 

The doctor babbled on, Izaya choosing to tune him out. After he was released, he would find Shinra. He had a better chance than with this doctor. The doctor eventually left, telling Izaya not to move around too much while his wounds were still healing.

 

Izaya was rather confused, he assessed the pain in his body yet again and to his surprise, his wrists and ankles felt rather raw, as if they had been bound. He felt rather disturbed and an unpleasant feeling grew in the back of his mind.

 

He was released from the hospital two weeks later. Two weeks of absolute boredom and thumb twiddling. No humans visited him, so he entertained himself by playing his game of chess, in his head of course.

 

He could easily visualize the board in front of him and his custom pieces. He was having a wonderful time until Shiki took him back to his apartment and left. Izaya couldn’t see where anything was.

 

He still knew where things were before he lost his sight, but he still stumbled and smacked into walls when he wasn’t paying attention. He called Shinra and Shinra said that he would come to Izaya in a couple days after he came back from vacation with Celty.

 

He sighed heavily and leaned back into his chair. He was still stuck in darkness of course and he had refused to accept it but he resigned himself to dealing with it for the moment. He kept wondering about what had happened.

 

He called many of his contacts and they had already refused, saying something about Shiki. Izaya almost broke his phone out of frustration.

 

“Damn Shiki. I'll find out one way or another.”

 

About a week later, Izaya sat in his chair, occasionally spinning around. As he couldn't see, his sense of balance was very off. He spun  one too many times and he felt his chair tip. He grabbed the armrests and leaned forward in an attempt to right the chair, but failed miserably.

 

The chair, with him on it, crashed onto the floor just as someone came in through his apartment door. An exasperated sigh came from the person.

 

“Izaya, I hope you don't plan on doing that again. That could cause more damage you know.”

 

Izaya was a bit dazed but he still managed to drawl out,

 

“My dear Shinra, I have been stuck in complete darkness, unable to observe my humans for eternity. My chair entertains me when nothing else does.”

 

Shinra shook his head and walked over the Izaya who was still on the floor.

 

“Let's get you up so I can see exactly how bad it is.” Shinra righted the chair and walked Izaya to the couch. Setting down his bad, Shinra unwrapped the bandages on Izaya's head. He poked and prodded different places, asking a few questions here and there.

 

When Shinra finished he sat back and adjusted his glasses carefully.

 

“Listen, Izaya. Thanks to some miracle, your vision will come back slowly. But you better take it slow and no informant jobs for at least a month. Got it?”

 

Izaya was giddy. He would recover and he would get to see everything around him.

 

 

“Of course Shinra. I wouldn't miss the chance to recover at any time. But there's something bothering me, what happened to my memories?”

 

 

Shinra stiffened. When he and Celery came back, she went on an errand and overheard two men under Shiki discussing the deaths of two Orihara's. She had slammed them against the wall and demanded that they told her everything they knew.

 

They stammered and stuttered a bit but eventually told her. Mairu and Kururi had been brutally murdered in front of Izaya due to him investigating Python. Celt had been stunned, the two sisters had been very precious to her yet now they had been murdered in cold blood.

 

Shinra opened the door of their home to find Celty with her shadows displaying grief. Shinra had panicked and became flustered. Fluttering around her asking what had happened. She lifted a trembling hand and showed him what she had typed.

 

Shinra's face had turned murderous and Celty had to restrain him to prevent him from going out and dissecting all the people involved with a scalpel. They sat together after,mourning the two girls.

 

Shinra remembered all this as Izaya sat in front of him, telling him that he didn't remember what happened. Shinra doubted that telling  Izaya would do any good, so he stuttered out,

 

“I-I-Izaya… it's b-bett-ter if y-you d-don't know.”

 

Izaya groaned dramatically,

 

“You're sounding like Shiki, he won't even let me know just the tiniest bit of what happened. I'm not that fragile you know.”

 

Shinra keep quite, and packed up his things.

 

“Well, then. I'll be off and no informant jobs for a month. Doctor's orders.”

 

Izaya waved his hand indicating that he knew and that he needed some space. Shinra spared one more glance at the blind man and shut the apartment door behind him **.** Shinra leaned against the closed door, slumping.

 

He wondered how Izaya would react when he found out. Shinra could only hope that his home would be standing after Izaya had gotten his revenge. He sighed and stood up, straightening his coat and heading to find his beloved Celty.

 

Izaya sat on the couch and rested his head pack. His hands were clasped together on his crossed legs. He wondered what had been so bad.  Even Shinra. He huffed, he was the great informant of Ikebukuro and he would find out anything he wanted to know.

 

**He smirked happily. As soon as he could see again, he would find out whatever everyone was hiding from him, no matter what he had to do.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to move the story along soon or it'll never end. hope you enjoyed this chapter?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter sorry. I'm currently writing three fanfics, oops. So I might not be able to update once a week or I might take a hiatus to finish this one and post the chapters once a week or something idk yet. and also, since I spelled Celty as Celery by accident last chapter, I should write a one shot about Shinra in love with a piece of living celery.

He was aware that there were ropes around his wrists and ankles and yet he couldn’t feel them. He throat was raw as if he had been screaming. Blood it was everywhere. He could see the delicate hand reaching desperately for him. He had to help, he had to save them. No, no, they couldn’t die.

 

He would kill the person responsible. The muffled screams echoed in his head. He had to save them before it was too late. He couldn’t fail them. He had to keep trying.

 

Izaya woke up with a start. Tears in his eyes. Surprised, he rubbed his eyes, only to notice his hands trembling. He let out a sigh, hugging his knees to his chest, trying to convince himself that it was nothing more than a figment of his imagination, he refused to accept that it had felt far more real than a dream.

 

His sight has improved quite a bit, the darkness had given way to dimness and blurriness. Shinra prescribed temporary glasses for him which he took gratefully. Ever since his sight had returned however, panic attacks were triggered whenever he saw blood or ropes.

 

He was getting more and more annoyed, he had to find out the cause. The attacks were interfering with his job, as blood and ropes appeared pretty often. Nightmares started to surface in his dreams, he reluctantly concluded that they were fragments of his memories.

 

They plagued him every night, depriving him of what little sleep he got. He sat at his desk, rubbing his temples. Every lead that he managed to find led to a dead end. Izaya hated not knowing everything. Thus was his nature. His doorbell ringed.

 

Raising his head, he hauled himself up and padded to the door. He opened the door to find a small box. Picking it up, he closed the door and made his way back to his desk. Plopping it down, he grabbed his flick blade and opened it.

 

The sight of dried blood on it made him freeze. His heart started racing and his mouth went dry. The room seemed to spin and distort in front of him. He couldn't get enough air into his lungs. He couldn't think, his mind was a mess of jumbled thoughts.

 

**_NO, stop. Don't hurt them anymore. No STOP. I have to save them. No. No. No. No. Don't kill them. Please. I'm begging you. Leave them alone. Leave them alone. They're innocent. Stop. I said stop. STOP. No. No. No. No. No. No. No._ **

 

A sinister whisper curled into his ears.

 

 **_Aw,_** _look at them. They're so pretty when they're covered in blood aren't they. You should be laughing, you've hated them for your entire life. I'm doing you a favor Orihara Izaya. They're going to die because of your incompetence. You're so weak. So foolish. Coward. Selfish. Powerless._

 

The voice died out and Izaya found himself swaying on unsteady feet. He grabbed the desk to ground himself. He was wearing out from all the attacks. He clenched his jaw in anger as he almost remembered what had happened. he had been so close.

 

"Damn it. This needs to end soon."

 

Izaya pulled himself together and walked stiffly to his sink, rinsing off the dried blood from his blade. He watched the water turn rust brown as the water streamed down the blade. The water swirled down the drain and disappeared.

 

He dried it carefully and opened the package he had received earlier. There was nothing inside except for a note.

 

_“Python will continue what it has been doing. The last incident was an example. They will move on to others who are precious to you if they sense you probing about again. Orihara Izaya, you must stay out of their business,”_

 

It was the mysterious email sender. Izaya poked through the box to see if there was anything left. The box was empty so he tossed it out. He kept the note  for future references. Drained, he stumbled to his bed and slept. He woke up after another nightmare struck.

 

However, he had gotten some decent sleep and was feeling slightly better. He stretched and yawned, staring at the ceiling. He could almost make it out. He smirked, his vision was almost fully recovered, now he could go out and have some fun.

 

He found himself craving fatty tuna. He dressed and waltzed out his apartment. Glasses on and ready for food. He was alert the second he entered Ikebukuro, of course, he didn’t need to but after he had spaced out once.

 

Shizuo had thrown a vending machine at his head and he was too late to dodge. He ended up with minor bruising. Simon stood outside the shop ad waved hello.

 

“Hello Izaya-san, have some sushi.”

 

“Hello Simon, do you have some fatty tuna ready for me?”

 

Simon nodded and ducked inside the store. He emerged a few seconds later with a box of tuna in his hands. He handed it to Izaya whose eyes had light up. He took it eagerly and skipped away, waving a hand in farewell. It was a routine the two of them had gone through many times.

 

Izaya would always send money in advance and Simon would always make sure to have some tuna ready for him. He opened the box and lifted a piece of fish out, placing it onto his tongue, he hummed contentedly while chewing slowly.

 

He really did love fatty tuna. The sudden sound of a pole being ripped out of the ground drew his attention. He turned to face the source of the sound and was not surprised to see Shizuo charging at him like a wild beast.

 

He sighed, annoyed that he would have to put off eating for now and stowed the box back into the bag carefully. At least he would be relieved of some of his boredom that had built up.

 

“Ne~ Shizu-chan, care to entertain me for a bit?”

 

“I-ZA-YA-KUN!! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO STAY OUT OF IKEBUKURO?! Killkilkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkilkillkillkillkillkillillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill WHEN I CATCH YOU I”LL KILL YOU, YOU DAMN FLEA!”

 

Shizuo swung the pole wildly at Izaya. Izaya dodged with ease. A feral grin spread across his face. This was fun. Studying the enraged Shizuo, he stuck out his tongue, winked, and ran off, infuriating Shizuo even more.

 

Izaya ran straight toward a crowd of onlookers, they scrambled over each other to get out of his way. He could hear Shizuo roaring as a vending machine was ripped out of the ground and thrown. Izaya danced lightly to the side, barely avoiding the vending machine. 

 

“Shizu-chan! You should try throwing something different at me. A vending machine won't hit me you know.”

 

Izaya giggled as he heard the screams of onlookers watch Shizuo lift up something.  He found out it was a car after it crashed into the ground mere inches from him. He smirked and ducked into a small alleyway. He spotted the ladder on the wall as soon as he turned the corner. 

 

Without slowing down, he jumped for the ladder and scrambled up. Landing lightly on the rooftop, he stood on the edge and watched Shizuo run into the alley where he had been seconds ago. Izaya took out his knife and spun it lightly in his hands.

 

  Shizuo whipped his head around, frowning when he didn't see the flea. He could have sworn the flea had run into the alley. His neck prickled as he felt someone watching him. He picked up the faint smell of vanilla and his head shot up. 

 

There he was, the flea was standing on the roof top, smirking down at him. Izaya laughed and called down,

 

“Shizu-chan~ if you want to catch me you'll have to come up here.”

 

Izaya was delighted to hear the roar that was his response. He quickly backed away from the edge and ran across the rooftop. He could hear the ladder being ripped from the wall and he ducked behind wall, avoiding the mangled ladder. He giggled and continued running, leaping from roof top to roof top. Always just in front of Shizuo.

 

Soon though, the thrill of being chased was starting to fade. Izaya was bored from the repetitive roars and objects being thrown at him. he wanted something different. Something that could catch his attention.

 

Unfortunately, before anything of the sorts appeared to him, he spotted the mass of rope in front of him. He froze just after he had jumped across a gap. He was poised to land in the pile. His mind was overflowing with images of blood and screaming.

 

He couldn't form any coherent thoughts at all. He couldn't think. He could only watch numbly as the mass of rope came closer. He crashed into the pile, entangled in the rope. His muscles were frozen and his breathes were coming in short gasps. 

 

He lay there on the ground, stuck in his memories. Thrashing and screaming. 

 

Shizuo had stopped in shock. The flea never fell, and he most certainly never would have let his rival see him in such a state. He approached Izaya cautiously. Izaya's eyes were wide open and they seemed to be looking into a different world. 

 

He was drenched in sweat and Shizuo could see his chest heaving as he fought off some unknown thing. Shizuo didn't know what to do. He could just finish off the flea and get him out of his life. However, seeing Izaya so.... vulnerable left a sense of wrong in Shizuo.

 

He had to do something though. He just didn't know what to do.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN. Gay stuff coming to a fanfic near you SOON. I promise.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll fix the format later, I have to go to school

Izaya blinked furiously. His mind clearing, he realized what had happened. Horror rose in him when he saw Shizuo staring at him in shock. Izaya couldn't let him know that he of all people would have a panic attack. Izaya plastered a smirk onto his face hastily and sat up slowly.

 

He raised an eyebrow and the words that fell from his mouth were dripping with amusement.

“Ne~ Shizu-chan. You're so gullible, to fall to such a simple trick… haha. How small is your brain you damn protozoan.” Shizuo couldn't believe it. Izaya had faked being vulnerable and he had believed it. His anger grew, he couldn't control it.

 

Blind in his fury, he rushed toward Izaya. Izaya saw Shizuo coming, but hr was too slow to avoid the hands that locked around his throat. He was slammed back into the ground with Shizuo on top of him, effectively cutting off his air supply.

 

Izaya stared up at the face contorted with rage above him. He couldn't help it, he started to shake with laughter. His laughter rang out and echoed. Shizuo’s grip around Izaya's neck tightened. Izaya gasped, his laughter cut off.

 

His lungs started to burn and he could feel the weakness creeping into his muscles. He had to free himself before he actually died. His hands scrabbled around for his knife. It dawned onto him that he had dropped them when he had crashed into the roof. He could feel the terror rising, his heart rate increased and all he could hear was the blood pounding in his ears. He reached up and grabbed Shizuo's wrists, hoping to pry the iron hands away. To his growing despair, he failed.

 

Spots of darkness grew in his vision. He was losing conscious. His lungs were on fire and he could almost feel the convulsions that would be present soon. He was near hysterical but he wouldn't let the tears that were dangerously close to showing themselves.

 

He thrashed violently to no avail. He would die here. Die unnoticed on a rooftop in his beloved city. He was terrified. His nails dug into the ground and his back arched. Blood leaked out of his mouth. His last thought was that he really should have killed the brute while he had the chance.

 

His eyes widened, then slowly drifted shut as he fell unconscious. Shizuo was stuck in a blind rage. The weak hands that gripped his wrists did nothing. He growled at the man beneath him. Izaya's mouth was wide open and he writhed desperately.

 

With savage glee, Shizuo tightened his grip and watched as his mouth opened and closed, like a fish out of the water. Izaya's movements gradually grew weaker and weaker. His eyes rolled backwards and his eyelids fluttered shut.

 

 

Shizuo was fixated on the fluttering eyelashes. They were dark and long, framing Izaya's delicate face. Shizuo blinked and he snapped out of his anger. He hastily let go and scrambled up. He looked down at the fleas limp form, frowning.

 

He should have killed him, why did he stop. He sighed heavily and fished a cigarette out. He stuck it into his mouth and lit it. Inhaling the familiar taste of smoke, he stood silent. balancing the cigarette between his fingers, he crouched down and studied Izaya's face.

 

He looked so innocent when the ever present smirk wasn't on his face. Shizuo let his head fall forward and made a decision. He let the cigarette fall to the ground and he snuffed it out with his shoe. Walking to Izaya's side, he slid his hands under his body and lifted.

 

Shizuo was surprised at how light the flea was. It was light he was made of air and would dissipate at any second. His eyes scanned the rooftop and landed on the discarded knives. He hesitated before retrieving them. He slid them into his pockets.

 

His eyes narrowed in disgust at himself. Why was he doing this anyways. Letting out another sigh, he made his way to Shinra’s place. Shinra opened his front door and his eyebrows shot up. His mouth gaped open at the sight of Shizuo carrying Izaya bridal style in front of his door.

 

Shizuo rolled his eyes and pushed past Shinra into his home. Shinra pinched himself, making sure that he wasn't dreaming. He let out a shaky breathe and closed the door. Turning around, he saw Shizuo gently. GENTLY. Put Izaya down on Shinra's couch. Shinra made his way to Izaya's side, still in shock. Shizuo plopped down on the floor and lit a cigarette. Shinra panicked and squawked angrily.

 

“No cigarettes in my house Shizuo! Celty hates the smell and if she smells it in the house, she's going to be mad at me!”

 

Shizuo grumbled under his breathe but he got up and snuffed it out. Shinra sighed and asked Shizuo what he had done to Izaya this time. Shizuo shifted uncomfortably and avoided Shinra's eyes. Shinra could barely hear the words that Shizuo uttered.

 

“I might of have, um, strangled him a little?”

 

Shizuo cringed under the force of Shinra's gaze. Shinra turned to Izaya and moved his jacket, revealing the hand shaped bruises forming on his thin neck. His eyes narrowed, and Shizuo could feel the murderous aura coming off of him in waves.

 

Shizuo couldn't help but wince. He'd probably made a bad decision by bringing that damn flea to Shinra's place. He let his arm cover his eyes as he wondered why he had even bothered. The seductive scent of vanilla still lingered in his nostrils.

 

It was relaxing. Immediately, he realized where the scent was coming from and he was appalled. What was he even thinking? His head hurt from thinking so he decided to just stop and stare at Shinra's back. Shinra worked quietly and fast, applying ointment and gently wrapping around Izaya's neck.

 

He let out a sigh and turned around to face Shizuo. His face a picture of resignation, he knew from a long time ago that he would have to patch the both of them up after each of their fights, but Shizuo often went overboard, leaving Izaya to show up in front of Shinra's house with broken bones, concussions, cuts, and internal bleeding.

 

He took a deep breath in and asked,

 

“what happened before you… strangled him Shizuo.”,

 

Shizuo raised his head slowly and said,

 

“I saw him in the street and he saw me and as usual, he managed to piss me off. That bastard. Anyways, I ended up chasing him up to the top of a building, and when he jumped from when building to another, he crashed landed and pretended to have a panic attack. That goddamn flea thought it would be funny to fake a panic attack in front of me… kill killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill…. And then when I landed in front of him, he sat up and laughed at me, asking if I had any brains. So, I got angry and lost my temper.”

 

Shizuo looked to be barely containing his anger after telling Shinra. Shinra however, understood what had happened. He mumbled softly to himself,

 

“Izaya, you prideful ass. You just couldn't show him your weak side huh. Hah, I just hope you don't remember what happened that night “

 

Shizuo started at Shirna, confused. “What do you mean Shinra? He was clearly pretending.” Shinra punched himself mentally, he had forgotten Shizuo was still here. He let out a nervous laugh and said nonchalantly,

 

“ah, it's nothing Shizuo. Don't worry about it.”

 

Shizuo started suspiciously at Shinra. A trickle of sweat smde it's way down Shinra's back. He let out a nervous chuckled. Shizuo, half convinced, grunted and closed his eyes, leaning against the couch. Shinra let out a sigh of relief and Celty walked in.

 

She raised her PDA [am I dreaming or are Shizuo and Izaya in the same room, and they're both alive.] Shinra's mouth quirked into a smile.

 

“It is a rare sight my dear, now may I kiss you?”

 

Shinra doubled over in pain as Celty punched him. [Not now, idiot] Shinra stared at the screen and looked up at Celty with adoring eye.

 

“you're so cute Celty. I love you.”


	10. Chapter 10

hey guys, update on progress is 0. I've been really busy these last few weeks so I think this and Mirrored Glass are going on a hiatus. Sorry everyone, hope you'll understand.


	11. Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SO HI IM BACK. SORT OF. ANyhows, this chapter is short because I'm a lazy ass and I have no motivation but it's getting better. Hopefully this was sort of interesting?

Izaya's eyes seemed to be glued shut, they wouldn't open. He forced them open and winced at the bright light. An unfamiliar ceiling swam into view. He blinked in confusion in ignorant bliss than the memories of what happened on the rooftops came rushing back to him.

 

He clenched his teeth angrily. How could he have let his guard down so easily and he was so close to a memory. It floated just out of his reach. Shinra appeared, standing over Izaya.

  
“Oh, great. You're awake. Now I don't want you trying to move or talk for at least three days. You could cause permanent damage if you do.”

 

 Izaya reached up and felt his neck, it was covered in bandages. He was alive at least and he wouldn't take the risk of losing his voice. He wouldn't be able to tease his beloved humans anymore. He sat up slowly, watching Shinra busy himself with his tools.

 

 “Hey Izaya, I have a question for you.”

 

Izaya tilted his head in confusion as Shinra walked to the side of the bed. Shinra grabbed his arm and slide the sleeve up.

 

 “I checked your body for additional injuries. Other than these, you had bruising and cuts. Now, these scars on your wrists do not look like any injuries a fight would cause. Izaya, what's happening.”

 

Izaya looked at his wrists. Thin red scars were slashed across his skin. The last thing he remembered was making coffee then everything else was a blur. He held his head in his hands as blurry memories started to surface. Pain. Anger. Searching.

 

He had to find them. Searching for who? Izaya bit his bottom lip trying to bring up a distant memory. He could almost remember. People dear to him. Who? He was an only child and single. Or was his mind playing tricks on him. Izaya lifted his head and looked

at Shinra with wide eyes.

 

His voice forced it's way out of his throat, he winced at the pain,

 

 “I almost remembered something. Someone… no two people who dear to me. Who… Shinra… I'm an only child… my parents only had one child… right? Shinra? Say something… you're scaring me. Please tell me I'm right. Shinra. Tell me what happened. I want to know.”

 

Shinra started at the sudden change and topic and was soon locked in a fierce internal battle as he listened. He couldn't tell Izaya, who had forgotten everything about his sisters, yet. It would send him into a place where he might not emerge from. Sweat dripped down his face.

 

 Looking at his friend who was usually so snarky and tough, now looking so lost and vulnerable. He couldn't stand it. He decided to stay away from the subject.

 

 “Izaya you have to first tell me what those scars are from.”

 

 Izaya frowned and looked down at his bare arm, as if just remembering Shinra's earlier question. It sent him over the edge, tears made their way down his face. He rubbed furiously at his eyes.

 

“I'm not crying, something got into my eyes.”

 

Shinra sighed. Izaya was obviously distraught, but his stupid pride and amnesia got in the way of any possibility of him asking for help. Izaya scowled up at Shinra when he finished drying his tears.

 

 “So, are you going to tell me what happened or not Shinra.”

 

Shinra snapped back from his thoughts. He was still a bit distracted and he accidentally let a bit of information loose.

 

“You were looking for your-”

 

He stopped himself before he got further. Shinra had made a terrible mistake. He clamped his lips together and looked down. Izaya stood up suddenly and gripped his friend’s shoulders.

 

 “Tell me Shinra, I need to know.”

 

 Izaya rarely let his true emotions show through and this burst of anger was frightening. Shinra shrank and tried to move away. Izaya's grip tightened. His crimson eyes blazed with a fevered light.

 

 “Come on Shinra, what are you afraid of. Tell me.”

 

 Izaya had switched on his informant mode. Manipulative, determined, charming, persuasive, and commanding. His voice was lower than usual and had taken on a quality that he could only describe as velvety, raw, and seductive. Shinra bit his lip hard.

 

He could not tell Izaya the way he was now. His hand searched the medical tray behind quietly. His fingers closed around his scalpel. Shinra stared into Izaya's eyes and with one fluid motion, rested the scalpel at Izaya's carotid artery. Izaya was barely fazed.

 

 He moved forward with an feral grin on his face. The sharp scalpel broke the bandages and delicate skin of his neck and beads of blood gathered on the edges of the blade. Izaya's voice rumbled mockingly,

 

“Oh c'mon Shinra, threatening your friend with a scalpel isn't very smart is it. You know what, if you have the guts to slit my throat than do it.  C'mon Shinra, do it.”

 

 Izaya was moving forward more and more. The sharp knife cutting more skin and the beads of blood turned to small rivulets. Shinra's terror turned to anger. He was angry that his friend had turned out like this and he was angry that he couldn't bring himself to tell Izaya.

 

He straightened his back and took away the scalpel. He said firmly,

 

“Izaya, as your friend, I will not tell you. I will not hurt you. We will no longer discuss this issue, if you want answers, do not come to me.”

 

Izaya's grin faded, his face contorted in fury.  His voice lost that unique quality and had changed to a rasp.

 

 “Why must you keep me in the dark. Why you Shinra, what am I supposed to do. I don't know any more, I don't know anything Shinra.”

 

 Izaya's shoulders slumped and he let go of Shinra who let out a sigh of relief. Izaya turned around and sat heavily onto the bed. He put his head between his arms and stared at the floor. Forcing himself to speak in that way had taken a toll.

 

 Shinra glanced at the wound on Izaya's neck and sighed. He was going to have to replace all of the wrappings. He walked cautiously in front of Izaya.

 

 “Izaya, I'm going to have you lift your head and look straight at that wall. I need to replace your bandages.”

 

 Izaya looked up and Shinra was startled to see his usual grin on his face. He sat there, his expression slipping just a bit. Shinra noticed the shadow of pain that crossed Izaya's face and he sighed internally. Yet another lie that Izaya was hiding behind.

 

 He unwrapped the bloody bandages and threw them into the trash. Carefully, he dabbed at cut with disinfectant, Izaya gripped his hands together. Shinra realized that Izaya would need stitches after the wound was clean. He took out a needle and thread and proceeded to start sewing the cut together.

 

 Izaya’s grin became more forced at the sight of the needle but he endured the pinpricks of pain but thinking of the ways he could kills Shinra. It helped slightly. Shinra, finished wrapping up everything and put away his things. He walked to the door and paused in the doorway.

 

 He looked back at Izaya who winked at him. Shinra lingered, but forced himself out of the room. Firmly shutting the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, I will try my best with weekly updates


	12. okay? no

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to hate my writings] oops

Muffled clattering emanated from the room where Shinra and Izaya was. Shizuo stood up quickly and started to stride towards the door when he was stopped by Celty. She held up her PDA,

 

[ Shinra said not to interfere no matter what. He says he'll take care of it. ]

 

Shizuo reluctantly plopped down onto the ground again. He could see that Celty also wanted to kick down the door and see what was happening but she trusted Shinra of his judgement. Shizuo leaned back and stared at the ceiling.

 

The first time he caught the flea, he should be celebrating right? He didn't know what to do. He knew he always said he would kill the flea if he ever caught him but now that he had…. He couldn't bring himself to do it. Irritated at himself, Shizuo reached into his pocket for a cigarette.

 

Celty’s shadows snaked out and tapped his hand.

 

[ No smoking inside Shizuo. ]

 

Shizuo could almost imagine Celty’s disapproving expression, if she had a head.

 

“Alright , I'll go outside.”

 

He stood up and walked out of the apartment. After he made sure he closed the door, he walked around until he found the entrance to the roof. Ignoring the warning  sign, he forced the door open and climbed up the stairs. A cool breeze ruffled his hair as he climbed onto the roof.

 

He took a cigarette and lit it, breathing in the familiar smoke. He exhaled, calmer now that the nicotine had entered his system. Leaning on the rail of the balcony, he watched the busy street below him. He let the familiar sounds of the city take his mind away from the present.   

 

 

 

_Shizuo was standing there, surrounded by the gang that had picked a fight with him. Shinra had asked him to meet a friend of his. He rarely ever made a friend so Shizuo agreed to meet the friend. The sound of clapping reached his ears as he stood in the field panting._

 

_He turned around to see Shinra standing next to a boy perched on ledge. The boy had jet black hair, crimson eyes, and a mocking smirk. He jumped down from his perch and prowled toward Shizuo. A shiver went down Shizuo's spine, his mouth went dry, and his heartbeat thumped in his ears. The boy spoke and his voice was filled with amusement_

 

_“I have a feeling we'll get along well. It'll be so fun playing with you.”_

 

_Shizuo couldn't stand it and when he took another look at the mocking smile, he lashed out._

 

 _His fist seemed to hit the boy, but then the boy disappeared. He fist swung at empty air. A sharp click made him turn around and then pain erupted across his chest. He looked down,  there was a large bloody gash on his chest and the boy was standing in front of him, twirling a long knife. His eyes glinted mischievously, then he ran, for Shizuo had started to chase him with a look on his face that promised death._  

 

Shizuo opened his eyes and sighed. He had only learned of the boys name awhile later after he yelled at Shinra for making such a nasty friend. It was Orihara Izaya. Shizuo remembered jumping off the school roof and skipping class to chase Izaya, he hated him with a passion. But now that hate, he wasn't even sure if it was hate.

 

“Why'd things get so complicated…”

 

Shinra replied, “Perhaps the two of you were fated to be rivals.”

Shizuo jumped in surprise

 

. “WOAH! Shinra. Um. Ok. Sorry. Didn't see you there.”

 

Shinra raised an eyebrow. “Okay then. But you know Shizuo... If I hadn't introduced the two of you to each other, this situation wouldn't be as bad as it is.”

 

Shizuo cocked his head in confusion, “what'd you mean Shinra? What's the situation?”

 

Shinra shook his head sadly, “Can't tell you cause the city will be in ruins if I do. Izaya is having a hard time so cut him slack please.”

 

Shizuo scowled. “The damn flea doesn't go through 'a hard time’. He's just a selfish bastard that can't stop messing with people and ruining their lives. Don't tell me that the O So Great Orihara Izaya is actually not a bad guy.”

 

Shinra rubbed his temples, “It's the truth Shizuo, it's all in front of you and you're just too dense to notice it. Though I do agree that Izaya likes messing with people.”

 

Shizuo glared at Shinra. Sure, Shinra was one of the few people that trusted Izaya, maybe, but that didn't mean that Shizuo trusted Izaya. Something hard hit his head once, then twice, then thrice. He looked back at Shinra to see that he had been hit with a small wooden mallet.

 

“What was that for Shinra?” Shizuo asked, a bit confused.

 

“That was to knock some sense into your thick skull.” He sighed, “Please just trust me this time, ok?” Shizuo grumbled but agreed reluctantly. Shinra smiled and went back down to his apartment. Shizuo stayed on the roof for a while, before finally making his way back to Shinra's apartment.


End file.
